The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword was a piece of shit.

Gamespot's review for The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword received tons of backlash from fans. I actually thought their score of 7.5 was TOO generous. Sigh, Zelda fanboys. They're like the Apple community. They're like Michael Jordan jockers. If you have any experience with these types of people, you know what I mean.

Man, I thought Twilight Princess sucked hard. I couldn't imagine Nintendo making more crap out of their flagship series. I was proven wrong with Skyward Sword. My goodness this game started out slow. SLOW. Only to set you up for one of the most irritating game experiences in the history of the medium.

How can you bozos out there think that Skyward Sword was a masterpiece? So apparently to many of you, a perfect 10 game is one where your hand is held all the time, everything is repeated at least twice by an annoying sidekick, "exploration" being mandatory repetitive fetch quests and backtracking for petty reasons, frustrating motion controls, and tedious traveling mechanics. Wow, sounds like buckets of fun! NOT.

Let's look at the "masterful" gameplay of Skyward Sword: "Ah, motion controls! A gaming novelty that forced me to spend $30 on a new controller just to play this game. ::Enemy approaches:: Die! (wack wack wack) Oh wait, THIS swing will work.. (wack wack) ::enemy dies:: Aw, no hearts, no money? Up yours. (plays more) Okay, my arm is tired, I don't want to fight anymore. ::Another enemy approaches:: Okay go away, swinging this damn controller is getting exhausting and old. Gah, I miss actual buttons now! And I wish there was some kind of real payoff to all these repetitive, tiring, unrewarding battles! ::Yet another enemy approaches:: Okay these stupid mindless fights just keep interrupting the game, I just want to get on with the main quest already. But the power-off button is feeling more of an attractive option at this point..."

The same feeling goes with the stupid dowsing sections. I reach an interesting-looking area that I want to look into more, only to be forced to do some long-winded favor for some NPC I don't care for. Awesome: not only does the actual game halt for a while (which happens again and again), I know I also get to engage in MORE tiring fights. You Zelda jockers find this shit fun? It's not fun, it's WORK. I don't know about the rest of you, but I don't play video games to do work. By the time I reached the 3rd area of the game, I was already feeling the grind. If I wanted to do chores, I would've signed up for a slave labor camp.

But wait, there are NEW features in Skyward Sword! Like.. ::drumroll:: ..the STAMINA METER! Big whoop. I was sure Nintendo will place idiot-proof areas throughout the game that will allow (force) you to use this tacked-on feature to effortless effect. And of course I was right: "Hmm, it appears that Nintendo cleverly designed this cliff to give you enough room so that the stamina meter won't entirely run out on you. Brilliant!" Not. Then Nintendo decides it was a lovely idea to put upgrade-able items in the game. Great, MORE work. Nice way to pad up this piece of crap title even more.

If repetitive, padded, idiot-proof play mechanics wasn't enough, there's Skyward Sword's disjointed overworld. I'd rather mindlessly sail and shift winds for 30 straight days in The Wind Waker than put up with Skyward Sword's ridiculously choppy travel system. There's no convenient flow to getting around in the game and the overworld design is just illusory vastness. And do we HAVE to keep doing activation swings with the controller just to get around? Considering the number of times the game forces you to travel.

It's hard to enjoy yourself in this game. Something is always blabbering away, something always needs a motion control, something always needs to boss you around to do trivial shit, something always gets in the way and interrupts any flow that will possibly save this trainwreck of a game. Having sex is an infinitely better option than to play Skyward Sword.

One of the worst video games I've ever played. Goodnight.

The only franchises that validate the overrated Nintendo

Something about Nintendo's games just don't "grab" me. I always feel there's something missing in them, something in their design philosophy that is continuously off-putting. They just don't strike a chord with me the same way Sega and SNK games do. There's this distinct lack of finesse, depth, personality, risk, and payoff in Nintendo games. Sorry fanboys, it has to be said.

In the NES era, I wasn't a big fan of Mario. Nor did I care much for Duck Hunt, Ice Climbers, Excitebike, Donkey Kong, Punch-Out.. pretty much any of the flagship Nintendo titles that everybody had. Nintendo was fortunate to have Square, Konami, Capcom, Taito, Namco, and Tecmo on board to make up for it. Even on the SNES, which games were the ones worth noting? Again, the games made by the developers mentioned above. I realized the main reason why I own Nintendo's consoles in the first place is because of the other companies' games.

I was a fan of Zelda for a long time, until 2002's Wind Waker (the last Zelda game worth its attention). I've sworn off the series since then. I could never get into Metroid, and while Super Metroid is a classic, I still felt it lacked the atmosphere achieved by Dracula X and the smooth platforming mechanics of Shinobi. Then there's Pokemon. Well I gotta admit I enjoyed the cartoon as a kid. But that's all I have to say about Pokemon.

So which series of games DO I like from Nintendo? Well here's a short list of what I think are good Nintendo franchises that they should be investing more into:

1. Pikmin

Now here's a franchise that is fresh, charming, and distinct. Terrific design. You really feel for the Pikmin. You can't really put Pikmin into a specific genre, but that's why it's good: it defies conventional design.

2. Pilotwings

A very fun simulator series. I've always loved the different tasks and situations and all the uniquely designed maps; the replay value seemed endless. That's the sign of a good game.

3. Mario Paint

No, this is not a Mario game, more like a brilliant game slapped with Mario's face on it. Its sequel, Mario Artist, was released for the 64DD and some features were carried into the WarioWare series.

4. Advance Wars

This is actually a sub-series in the Nintendo Wars lineup of games, but it's the most known and well-loved. A very fun, addictive turn-based war game. Quite a handheld achievement.

Now, I'm actually fond of F-Zero and Star Fox, but the way Nintendo has handled those two franchises has been suspicious for a while. I guess I can't ask for too much considering they peaked at their N64 incarnations, in my opinion. It's safe to say I can swear off those franchises the same way I did Zelda.

So there you have it. Let the flaming commence.