Gamespot's review for The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword received tons of backlash from fans. I actually thought their score of 7.5 was TOO generous. Sigh, Zelda fanboys. They're like the Apple community. They're like Michael Jordan jockers. If you have any experience with these types of people, you know what I mean.
Man, I thought Twilight Princess sucked hard. I couldn't imagine Nintendo making more crap out of their flagship series. I was proven wrong with Skyward Sword. My goodness this game started out slow. SLOW. Only to set you up for one of the most irritating game experiences in the history of the medium.
How can you bozos out there think that Skyward Sword was a masterpiece? So apparently to many of you, a perfect 10 game is one where your hand is held all the time, everything is repeated at least twice by an annoying sidekick, "exploration" being mandatory repetitive fetch quests and backtracking for petty reasons, frustrating motion controls, and tedious traveling mechanics. Wow, sounds like buckets of fun! NOT.
Let's look at the "masterful" gameplay of Skyward Sword: "Ah, motion controls! A gaming novelty that forced me to spend $30 on a new controller just to play this game. ::Enemy approaches:: Die! (wack wack wack) Oh wait, THIS swing will work.. (wack wack) ::enemy dies:: Aw, no hearts, no money? Up yours. (plays more) Okay, my arm is tired, I don't want to fight anymore. ::Another enemy approaches:: Okay go away, swinging this damn controller is getting exhausting and old. Gah, I miss actual buttons now! And I wish there was some kind of real payoff to all these repetitive, tiring, unrewarding battles! ::Yet another enemy approaches:: Okay these stupid mindless fights just keep interrupting the game, I just want to get on with the main quest already. But the power-off button is feeling more of an attractive option at this point..."
The same feeling goes with the stupid dowsing sections. I reach an interesting-looking area that I want to look into more, only to be forced to do some long-winded favor for some NPC I don't care for. Awesome: not only does the actual game halt for a while (which happens again and again), I know I also get to engage in MORE tiring fights. You Zelda jockers find this shit fun? It's not fun, it's WORK. I don't know about the rest of you, but I don't play video games to do work. By the time I reached the 3rd area of the game, I was already feeling the grind. If I wanted to do chores, I would've signed up for a slave labor camp.
But wait, there are NEW features in Skyward Sword! Like.. ::drumroll:: ..the STAMINA METER! Big whoop. I was sure Nintendo will place idiot-proof areas throughout the game that will allow (force) you to use this tacked-on feature to effortless effect. And of course I was right: "Hmm, it appears that Nintendo cleverly designed this cliff to give you enough room so that the stamina meter won't entirely run out on you. Brilliant!" Not. Then Nintendo decides it was a lovely idea to put upgrade-able items in the game. Great, MORE work. Nice way to pad up this piece of crap title even more.
If repetitive, padded, idiot-proof play mechanics wasn't enough, there's Skyward Sword's disjointed overworld. I'd rather mindlessly sail and shift winds for 30 straight days in The Wind Waker than put up with Skyward Sword's ridiculously choppy travel system. There's no convenient flow to getting around in the game and the overworld design is just illusory vastness. And do we HAVE to keep doing activation swings with the controller just to get around? Considering the number of times the game forces you to travel.
It's hard to enjoy yourself in this game. Something is always blabbering away, something always needs a motion control, something always needs to boss you around to do trivial shit, something always gets in the way and interrupts any flow that will possibly save this trainwreck of a game. Having sex is an infinitely better option than to play Skyward Sword.
One of the worst video games I've ever played. Goodnight.
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